How To Love Yourself When You Don't Know How

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Do you struggle with self-love? Ever think you are not good enough? Or wondering how can you love yourself more?

This post includes tips on how to love yourself and cultivate self-worth to get the confidence to pursue your ideal life.

Believe it or not, most people struggle with self-worth. We say negative things about ourselves that we would never say to others.

How bizarre is that? We treat ourselves worse that we do others?

I have struggled with self-confidence throughout my life. It’s one of those things that needs constant work. So I read lots of personal development books and seek out new challenges to build confidence.

Becoming more confident has allowed me to pursue my dreams without limitations.

Now let’s look at how to learn how to love yourself when nobody else does or how to love yourself when you don ‘t know how.

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links and I may receive a commission if you purchase through my links, at no cost to you. See full disclaimer.

In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experience that shaped you.
Andrea Dykstra

What is Self-love?

First, let’s discuss what it means to love yourself. This means accepting you for you, all your flaws, uniqueness, inherited values, and nurturing your well-being.

It is being kind to yourself and having positive, nurturing thoughts and feelings about yourself.

It is normal to have negative feelings and emotions about yourself, sometimes.

We all have bad days, where we get upset and frustrated.

Not only is having negative emotions normal, but also knowing when to let shit go is essential for self-acceptance.

Self-love also means prioritizing your needs, being assertive, valuing yourself, and setting healthy boundaries.

Thus, knowing what is important to you, catering to your needs, and loving yourself fully helps cultivate self-worth. Because when you know how to love yourself, you know how to love others.

Self-love is essential to living a fulfilled life. But in contrast, lacking self-love leads to low self-confidence, problems in a relationship, self-criticism, being judgmental, and self-sabotage.

9 Tips on how to love yourself when you don’t know how

1| Stop Negative Self-talk to Love Yourself More

Ever talk yourself out of doing something totally worthwhile? Or think you are not worthy of a good life?

Negative self-talk is that little chatter in your mind telling you, “you’re not good enough, not smart enough, they are all judging you, you’re too fat…”

You may feel undeserving not believing that you are worthy or capable of anything. And operate from a limited mindset.

A general rule to follow is if you would never say it to your best friends, never say it to yourself.

This negative relationship you have with yourself can become detrimental to growth and success. If the negative self-talks are not serving you, change them. Next time you hear it, tell it to shout up.

Most importantly, it is not a matter of changing you, it’s about changing your inner dialogue to being the person you want to become.

By being aware of and removing negative self-talk, it becomes easier to love you for you, and cultivate self-worth.

Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
George Bernard Shaw

2| Build Self-love Through Journaling

Expressing yourself through journaling helps you reduce overwhelming emotions and manage your mental health.

In addition, journaling also helps with anxiety, improves mood, reduces stress, and helps you cope with depression.

Journaling is a helpful way to overcome stressors by reflecting on experiences. Writing your thoughts and feelings helps with self-analysis and self-discovery.

Journaling also helps one discover their innermost thoughts, feelings, desires, goals and stimulates mental clarity.

No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you’ve come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself.
Madonna

3| Healthy Lifestyle With Physical Activity And Eating Well

Another helpful way to love yourself and cultivate self-worth is by staying active and eating a balanced diet.

Eating nutritious foods that energizes you and staying hydrated helps you maintain a healthy lifestyle. I am living a plant-based lifestyle, with a diet full of nutritious fruits, veggies, and legumes.

A vegan or plant-based diet provides fiber, antioxidants, helps you lose weight, improve kidney functions, protects against cancer, and reduces the risk of heart disease.

In other words, a diet rich in fruits and vegetables will give your body the fuel it needs.

Another healthy lifestyle habit to develop is to exercise. Exercise improves your self-esteem and wellbeing. This could be yoga, swimming, jogging, or working out.

Physical activity produces endorphins that act as natural painkillers and also helps improves sleep.

Exercise is also known to improve mental fitness, mood, reduces stress, and anxiety. Get moving!

Why is sleep important in a healthy lifestyle?

Sleep is known to help with alertness, mood, and is beneficial for physical and emotional wellbeing.

Sleep allows our body to restore itself and is important for memory, concentration and productivity.

Make health and fitness a vital part of your daily self-care routine to improve mental and physical wellbeing. Self-love is being kind to yourself and making your health and wellbeing a priority.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.
Steve Jobs

4| Develop Self-acceptance: Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

We are all guilty of comparing ourselves to others. Wishing we were skinner, had a bigger ass, prettier or look like a celebrity.

But comparing becomes a problem when you form a habit of envying, judging, and filling your mind with negativity. For not looking, acting, or having what others do.

The success or the ideal body most have resulted from hard work and discipline. But most of what you see in the media is an unrealistic portrait of what beauty should be.

Comparing yourself to others only leads to a negative self-image. Identify areas of your life that need improvement and create a plan to work on them, instead of complaining.

5| Read Self-help Books

Any issue you may struggle with there is a book for that. My confidence, happiness, discipline, and determination result from the books I have read.

The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck, The Richest Man In Babylon, You Are A Bad Ass and countless other books I have read shaped my character. I have learned that discipline is the key to how some of the most successful people get where they are. Dedicate yourself to reading or listening with audible to material that adds value to your professional or personal life.

Check out this list of amazing books about how to love yourself, a must see.

Personal development is the belief that you are worth the effort, time and energy needed to develop yourself.
Denis Waitley

6| Dealing With Past Pains

photography of woman surrounded by sunflowers

Negative emotions and feelings that still haunt you could result from childhood trauma, past relationships, or anything that has caused you internal conflict.

Never try to hide or bury your feelings, acknowledge them for what they are, and learn to face them head-on.

These negative emotions present themselves as resentment, fear, anger, or depression. Seek help from a professional or someone who can sympathize with you.

There will be feelings of relief once you let go and vent your emotions.

Acknowledging and seeking help are the first steps to overcoming your pains and learning how to love yourself.

Related: Self-Discovery Questions For Personal Growth to Change Your Life

7| Forgive Yourself For Failures

Forgiveness comes after acknowledgment and the absence of pain. To achieve lasting forgiveness, healing must first occur.

We all have experiences of hurt or failures we beat ourselves up for, that prevent us from moving forward.

Experiences build character, which gives us the strength and courage to move forward.

Your past should not dictate your future reality. Know that failures are just life experiences, not a representation of how you are.

So, when you make a mistake, recognize it, accept responsibility, and learn from it.

Thus, self-love is forgiving yourself when you fail and knowing that failure or mistakes are life lessons.

8| Overcome Bad Habits To Change Your Life and Love Yourself

Take time each day to reflect on bad habits that are denying you of being and feeling your best.

Learn to discipline yourself and develop a character that speaks volumes. We all have habits difficult to live with, and hard to change.

One of the worst habits most people struggle with is snoozing that damn alarm clock.

We know it will go off every morning, yet snooze seems to be the best option. It’s a habit that gets us nowhere. You don’t really get any extra sleep!

It is a daily lesson we teach ourselves, that we cannot live up to our own expectations. Or follow through on our commitments.

When you are disciplined you challenge yourself to do what is necessary despite instant gratification and ultimately cultivate self-worth.

Related: Books On Self-Love & Healing: Best Personal Growth Books

Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.
Anna Taylor

9| Face Your Fears and Challenge Yourself

Have you ever backed down from a challenge? Me too!

The excuses we create to escape from facing our fears will never benefit us.

And, backing down from what we need and should do to have and be all we are created to be, creates low self-esteem.

The fear we feel is just our mind’s way of protecting us, from what it feels is potentially harmful.

Overcoming challenges builds our self-esteem and creates a feeling of accomplishment.

Challenge yourself to do more than what is expected. For when you persist and challenge yourself to do what is necessary and conquer your fears, you will develop higher self-esteem and self-love.
Brian Tracy

Couldn’t have put it better myself.

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Final thoughts on how to love yourself when you don ‘t know how

I hope you find these tips on how to love yourself more and cultivate self-worth helpful.

Always remember there is the only one you, so love yourself, be confident, and kind to you.

Love yourself unconditionally and find the discipline to persist through challenges and everything in your life will fall into place.

How To Love Yourself When You Don’t Know How

What is Self-love?

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